Lone King of Spades!

I have to apologize to my main squeeze, Michael, for hurting his feelings in my last post, by not recognizing that HE is my King of Spades!

Yesterday, when I got into his car he jumped right on it.  I say this with a smile on my face because I think it is adorable that he was jealous.  I want to make this up to him by letting you all know that I am in love with the most wonderful man in the entire world.  He is my heart, my rock, and at times my ATM.

Thank you Michael.  I love you.

PRACTICE RUN

I have officially chosen my date of departure.  Monday, June 25, 2012.  I'm starting to get excited AND nervous.  I decided to take a couple of practice runs. NO I didn't actually RUN..but I did get up early and drive 150 miles in 100 degrees to attend a blues festival.  I packed my dietary lunch, my extra wide lawn chair and a great attitude.  Despite the 100 degree's weather and me wearing stretch jeans it was a fantastic time.  Those that know me KNOW I'm an extrovert, but I was able to sit and be the observer.  I didn't even talk to the couples to my right, right, front, back, side, wedged between other couples!  I admit that there were a LOT of couples!  A 50 year old, plus size, divorced lady (albeit GORGEOUS) wasn't successful at finding that lone king of spades.   I did, however, receive a couple of cleavage glimpses.  Some men, some woman.  Flattered by both!  Maybe it was the glare from the ocean of sweat that had accumulated there and they wanted to dive in!

EAT PRAY LOVE

Hello loyal followers.

I have received a lot of feedback, most constructive and supportive.  One reaction caused me pause.  Someone actually asked, "What is this, your Eat, Pray, Love?"  Although I have not read the book, nor seen the movie I can glean their meaning.  This is my post divorce mid life crisis.  Well, I have a few things to say about that.
1) I wasn't SAD when my ex signed the papers.
2) I'm not LOST.  I have the unique ability as a teacher to have summers off.  I have always wanted to trek cross country, ideally with a beautiful, warm, respectful companion.  I DO have a warm, beautiful, respectful companion...who has to work!
3) People aren't pissed that I'm going.  They've offered to buy me tires and a fare gun.
4) I don't care about my house.  All my plants are plastic and the fish died!

So to my questioner, and secret worriers, I am fulfilling a dream of a lifetime that I couldn't years prior due to various circumstances, too numerous to list.

Happy Father's Day

Today is one of those days that brings me back to childhood.  Some memories painful, but MOST good.  I want to thank my dad for giving me so many of his wonderful qualities, and some not so wonderful.  Like, his varicose veins and heart stopping anxiety.  The yang is that he instilled an appreciation for all things.  A deer next to the wood line.  A cold glass of natural spring water.  A heavy foot, which by the way it seems I passed down to my daughter.  He taught me how to make people laugh, and most importantly how to love.

Dad was saddled down with 7 kids and a wife, whom I love, but she was QUITE the opposite.  Even though he was young when he became "caged", he did a bit of living prior.  One thing he talked about most was Palm Springs, California.  The retreats, the stars he encountered. How he hopped railroad cars all the way back to Maine, when he was just 16.  The stories about hobo's and what they taught him.  One particular man took him under his wing and showed him homemade signs that meant safe houses where they could obtain food.

In honor of Dad, RIP, I will be visiting Palm Springs!  I can't wait to send you all pictures and video footage to see if I can find anything there that brought him such joy for 50 years.  It brought him home night after night (sometimes driven by the local police) but none the less home.

Thank you Dad for giving me the confidence, comical insight, and love for America that propels me towards my goal to drive across our country alone.

George Clinton & The P-Funk

I am struggling to save enough money to make this "trek" across America in a little over 365 days, so I JUMP on any freebies.  Thank you Coast 93.1 for my free tickets to the Maine State Pier Concert featuring George Clinton & The Parliment Funkadelics!

The music moved me, literally! I found my head sort of bobbing at first.  After the first test and I didn't get vertigo, I stretched my movements to my shoulders, combined with an occasional clap. I started to loosen up. Maybe it was from the "funny" smell in the air!  I felt my toes start to move, sort of like Steve Martin in "The Jerk".  Eventually, I added arms, waist, hips, knees, culminating into the trifecta of my feet and body, UNTIL.....(wait for it)....... the repetitive request from the back up singers shouted, "everybody jump, jump".  There is NO way with my current frame I am going to get ANY airtime.

It was nice to see my generation and a new generation of funk lovers.
I've maxed out my winnings for 30 days.  Watch them give away a trip around the world and I'm not eligible.

Getting Ready to "RIDE"

Part of my preparing for my trip is to become more physically fit for this incredible journey.  I am so out of shape!  I am a LONG way from being the high school star athlete I once was.

I am not one of those "quick" fix type of people.  I refuse to eat processed, portion controlled food!  My fear with that is that once I stopped eating "their" (and you know whom I'm talking about food) I'd go back to my old habits.  The other diet alternative costs way to much financially, not to mention the time it takes to count points.  Although I do LOVE their giant fudgecicles.  I joined a gym so I too could "pick things up, and put them down", but at 10/month at the rate I was showing up my average cost per workout was $80.00/hour.  

Something finally clicked in me.  It is not about shedding the points quickly, its about changing my lifestyle one way at a time and I am on my way.  

I went out to our local bike swap and found a "sturdy" island cruiser perfect for the city.  I did not buy it to climb Maine's steep, muddy mountains.  Or to join a group of hard core street riders with their matching jerseys, which by the way, I'm pretty sure they would fit me like spanx!  

So for today, when I need to go that extra mile, I'll put on my floppy hat, hoist my ample ass upon the large shock fortified seat and ring my bell off into the sunset!

What's Your Credit Score?

When I'm dead and cremated; family and friends, as well as a small village in Guam, have encapsulated me in a miniature silver trinket to wear around their necks, ankles, or if you know my kids, in their tongue, will my credit score really matter?

Judging from the amount of calls, snail mail, and junk I receive it matters ALOT.  I feel like I'm back in middle school receiving demerits for bad behavior.

"I didn't cross my t on a paper, 10 demerits".

"I got caught smoking in the girls bathroom, 3 demerits," lets see..times 30 known offenses....it really adds up.

I'm pretty sure I left my school with over 3,000 demerits.

The banks are now my principle disciplinarian.  I don't pay a bill on time, 200 demerits.  My net worth is at 84%, too high....800 demerits. 

The big question I have is...."What happened to all those demerits?  Can I trade them in like skeeball tickets? Better yet, can I apply them towards my credit score?"



 

WOMAN SAYS CELL PHONE SAVED HER FROM SINKHOLE

What?  I now know the most important ITEM to bring along is my IPHONE.  It can save me from sinkholes!  What kind of app is that?  Does it have a GPS system for the Earth's crust that sounds a deafening alert alarm along with the words, "DANGER, DANGER, SINKHOLE AHEAD, STEP LEFT!"  Phew, that was a close one.  Maybe it detects a drop in air pressure.  I know, it has a titanium antennae that stretches across the diameter of the hole for you to dangle from until help arrives.  Better yet, maybe it launches a grappling hook and when you press 9 it slowly winches you up, James Bond style.  How much would you pay for an app like that?  .99 cents?  4.99?  Come on. It SAVES lives.

So for all you naysayers that worry about my safety, no need... I have an iphone!

SHOES

I don't get the whole new shoe fashion.  Am I alone?  Shopping today I saw tons of some pretty high stilettos.  I looked at some and thought, that is cute, BUT could I walk in them?   I can't even imagine getting up off the chair after strapping them on? What would I do if I did get up?  Aerate the lawn?  Go for a drive? I'd be so far away from the gas peddle my knee would be up in my chest!

 Where have all the ballet flats gone?

What I Do To Increase My Savings ~

It is now 10:00 PM Friday.  I am finally winding down from the last few days of working my ass off to pad my savings.  All this to be able to enjoy this exhilarating adventure I want to embark on.  I want to do it right and from my experience, FUN costs!   Did you remember I am a middle school teacher by day? Well, I also work in the emergency room evenings. I was asked to fill in on wonderful St. Patty's last night 'til midnight.  The entire place smelled of corned beef, cabbage, and Guinness.  I agreed temporarily forgetting that I had to chaperon the middle school dance tonight, after teaching all day.  Salivating over  the 30 bucks I was promised, I arrived and instantly felt like I was back in 1970. The cafetorium filled with tie-dye and flip flop clad teens. The girls on one side with their freshly quaffed hair.  The boys on the other side, awkward and SHORT.  The music was the only thing different than my years in Jr. High, which is what middle school was called.  The LOUD constant beat of the base finally draws them into dance.  All except for the few future fast food workers, I lovingly refer to as "the 3FW's" running around trying to stomp on the balloons.  Just about the time the girls and boys dare to mingle, the DJ announces the last song. Guess what!  Still "Stairway to Heaven."  Couples start to dance, arms extended, hands shoulder to shoulder, except for that one daring horndog with his hands on his girls' ass.  They were all swaying, left and right, a foot apart, gazing, anywhere but at each other for 8:02 long teen minutes.

What I won't do for a buck!  

DAMN GIRL SCOUTS

I am trying to lose weight in anticipation of feeling healthier as well as other things I shall not mention here.  So working as a teacher during "girl scout cookie" season really is a challenge!  My inability to say no, which I believe may be a behavior learned early and continued into high school with the football team, I ended up with 6 boxes.  Leaving today, I gave away 4 boxes feeling good that I only had 2 boxes left.  Wait, before you congratulate me, let me point out that it was not a typing error when I wrote "had".  The shortening bread ones are bad enough but I, Jo, began dipping them into peanut butter.  I feel my arteries hardening (I think I hear them too)  It sort of sounds like a heavy metal bank vault slamming.

Oh well, tomorrow will be a better day, cookie free!

I LOVE IT WHEN THINGS WORK OUT!

Today has been one of those days when everything works out (except the kink in my upper neck)  First I have received so many offers for free lodging all over the place.  I think it must be my promise of blueberry pancake mix and syrup!  (see poll below) I received news that I will be receiving a tax refund this year, this will start my trip fund.  I also received advice as to posting the things I may need and people may have things to "lend".  Or maybe a certain someone, MICHAEL, will use it as a birthday, Christmas, Groundhog's Day gifts!  "hint hint"  Notice I didn't write anything about Valentine's Day.  There is only ONE think I want then.  Yep, that's right a huge, silky, ha...ha...heart shaped box of chocolates.

Mature people truths

Mature people truths

Friends and Family Input

After watching thousands of videos and reading millions of help pages I am ready for this blog to be more interactive.  I have created a spreadsheet in which I have listed all 50 states horizontally with headings of all the places I am interested in visiting along with color coded pins in a map. As you can see,  organization is my strength.

This is where you all come in.  If you'd like to follow my quest to travel the US and help me with places of interest, as well as people you know along the way that are willing meet me and to be interviewed, let me know!  Here is my master plan.  I will stop at comedy clubs to work on my "chops" in as many states as possible so I added that as a heading.  I have also added headings for people who want to meet me along the way, museums, attractions, historical places, oddities, the bizarre, musical concerts and festival, national parks, highways of note, local festivals, diners, etc.  If you would like to receive an email of each entry, pre-trip and/or during the trip, I intend to add photos, polls, videos, music, and hopefully a little bit of humor.

Please contact me if you would like to receive automatic updates by email.

I am having trouble receiving comments.  I have tried a new setting.  When you read this, please leave a comment so I can see that it works.

FRIDAY

Another fun filled week of teaching middle schoolers! A student took control of my photobooth, aren't we cute?  In case you didn't know I'm the one of the right!  I tried to look like I was having fun but I was actually being polite and thinking "10 minutes 'til miller time".

That got me thinking about one of those coolers you plug in your car to take on my roadtrip.  Do you think that is a bad idea?  Beer and driving?  Even if I have a GPS?

FEEDBACK

I've been getting quite a few comments about my "couch surfing" at strangers' homes.  I believe in Americans!  I look forward to meeting new people, and it gives me the in I'll need to investigate the "feel" of the town and film something "wacky".  Beside, Do you really think someone's going to ask me to their lair to seduce me? Or filet me for a new coat of old, yet soft, veiny skin?  Have you MET me?

BACK TO WORK

Today was my first day back to work.  A job is essential to traveling cross country if you need money to sleep in a hotel once in a while. Being a teacher gives me the flexibility to take this trip and take my time, but the hotel will have to be "cheap"

Speaking of flexibility, for our staff meeting we had to do YOGA today. Despite being a 5'10, big and beautiful woman I was really getting into it, the warrior pose, the table top with one leg extended over the other one, then the leader said  "lay on your back and bring your knees tight into your chest."  First off, there was NO WAY that was going to happen!   Second, I couldn't hear a word she was saying after that because my breasts were blocking my ears!

Time to Face the Music

I woke up this morning determined to start moving more.  I got out the stair stepper and turned up the music LOUD.  Up, down, up, down, up, down... I was in such a groove I literally heard clapping  I'm off now to find a better bra!

How Do I Prepare?

I put it out there so I can't back out. I pride myself on being a smart woman and understand I need to prepare financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Don't panic, I'm not looking for Jesus, remember Sam already found him.

I cleaned my savings out to spend Christmas with the twins in Vegas for their 21st birthday.  So here I go starting from scratch.  Today, I saved $4.28 by making my own breakfast instead of my usual eating out in a greasy spoon. Check out the picture of the spread!  I put it on a small plate to make it look BIGGER. My eyes may be fooled but my stomach is a bit miffed!

Next, I was on a quest for the perfect USA wall map.  Where would YOU go to find a map? I found nothing but atlas' at Borders, Wall*Mart, Target, and our only teacher store.  Then it dawned on my,  DeLormes!  I found the most incredible, thick, huge padded one.  I started putting pins in at places of interest  from comedy clubs, people I know and can crash on their couch, museums, weird things, oddities. 

This is where you all come in.  Let me know of any neat places I should check out along the way.  This will help me to plan my route!    I'm on my way...

The Beginning. February 25, 2011

Hello everyone and welcome!
My name is Jo and I am a work in progress (aren't we all).  I am on my way.. on a journey.  I've looked for things all my life but I've never been sure what I was in search of.  I've looked under the couch cushions but all I saw there was a constant reminder that my ever amounting weight has flattened the potato chip crumbs, that amazingly missed my massive cleavage. I've searched for waldo. I've tried finding nemo.  My son at 12 informed me that he found Jesus! I wondered where was she/he all this time, behind the couch?  I tried marriage in suburbia for 30 years.  FINALLY, I found something!  An escape hatch!  In the summer of 2012 I plan a cross country trip in my 2004 Toyota Corolla.  I hope to find REAL people, have fun and maybe on my way find ME.